The biggest mistake Sage made in this story isn’t getting involved with a serious relationship at such a young age. It isn’t moving to another country on a youthful whim. It isn’t getting involved in a secret affair over the Internet. It isn’t even callously playing with the emotions of two seemingly decent ( although apparently weak) men.
The real mistake she made is never understanding how utterly damaged she is. How in need of therapy she is. The entire story is devoid of even a little self awareness or personal growth.
At the end of it, all she is grateful for is to have incurred no consequences.
I would like to restate. We all make mistakes, little ones and huge ones. That’s part of being alive. We hurt others and ourselves along the way. When we tell the stories of our mistakes the point is usually the lesson learned. It can be hidden in the narrative or stated outright. I can see no personal growth here. Perhaps , hopefully , it is just sloppy writing.
I felt similarly at some points in the story. I guess my perspective changed when Sage talked about her realization that she’d spent all this time trying to avoid being hurt by a Deborah type, only to become Deborah herself. That, to me, demonstrated self-awareness and seemed to represent a real turning point, so now I think of this story as a deliberately harsh self-appraisal – not very flattering in parts, but I think that’s what Sage intended.
We really enjoyed talking to Sage and I don’t think it’s fair to label anyone “utterly damaged” based on a 15 minute story or a 30 minute podcast. Personally I agree with Elah that we did demonstrate learning and personal growth in this episode. It’s impossible to boil down a complex relationship in so little time though, and I know each of our listeners will interpret this story in their own way.
This was great. On my now defunct blog, every summer I would write a post to give it a theme. In 2007, it was the Summer of Yes. I vowed that all my responses to any and every request would be an enthusiastic “Hell, Yes!”. One of the greatest summers ever. P.S. Todd is the shit. Mo’ Todd for everyone.
Maybe ” utterly damaged” was a touch extreme. I suppose I got carried away.
I stand by the rest of it though.
I’m left wondering about the men in this story, and their emotional fallout, more than the woman.
I suppose it’s the almost complete absence of any shame or guilt that rubs me the wrong way.